Sour then sweet. Life and me.

Hi! I’m Claudia!

I am 35 years old living in Los Angeles (adjacent) with a very sweet and supportive husband of 5 years and 2 dogs, Prince and Ralph. Prince is an old man Maltese and his arch nemesis Ralph is a rambunctious Maltipoo from the streets of East LA. I am a crazy dog lady and my family and I are crazy dog people, collective we have 5 dogs, and you’ll probably see their adorable, ridiculous, pitiful and beautiful mugs on here from time to time.  They make me as happy as they do insane and they’re part of my crazy world.I am the oldest of a family of 3 and the only girl in the family. Those people drive me nuts! As most families do. But my brothers and mom mean the world to me and we are very close.  

I am an advocate, a survivor of sexual assault, a child witness of domestic violence, and most recently a miscarriage survivor. I am fun loving, a bit of a nervous person, and a worry wart who struggles with anxiety. I like clothes and shoes and pretty things. I consider myself to be quite shy though most people would disagree, as I tend to overcompensate with silliness and sarcasm.  I have a bit of a tough exterior but I’m a big ball of mush on the inside, and on more than one occasion I’ve been compared to a Sour Patch Kid, “First they’re sour, then they’re sweet.” But once you crack the exterior the walls come crashing down and I love hard, be it husband, friend, puppy or other adorable creature.

I’ve always enjoyed writing.  When I was younger I kept various diaries that I hid around the house, lest all my teen angst and antics be discovered by family.  As I grew older I would continue to keep a journal, because, you know, I was more mature now, and eventually I’d move on to an online journal as well.  This online journal wasn’t kept publicly and few people in my real world knew about it or had access to it but I kept up with it for a few years, and in it I was able to process life events.  

This past year my life has taken quite a tailspin. As I approached the age of 35, I was excited at the prospects for the future.  I found myself pregnant after many years of unsuccessfully trying to conceive and although only a few weeks in, my husband and I excitedly planned for our future as parents.  A few weeks before my June birthday we found out that our baby’s heart had stopped beating and I was experiencing what I would later find out is referred to as a missed miscarriage.  This has been a loss unlike anything I’d experienced before in life, and it continues to be a pain that has been the most difficult to process.   This event in my life has been the catalyst for this blog.  

I’d considered blogging before, about moments in life in which I had felt alone and unsupported, about things considered taboo to discuss, moments in life that many of us have experienced or know someone who’s experienced them but don’t know who or where to turn. I want this blog to be a space for community and support, a place to find a friend a kind word or a laugh, when you think you’re all alone in your pain, know that I have been there too. Because I have felt and sometimes continue to feel all those things in this current phase of my life, as well as past experiences. I am by no means any sort of expert, but I want to share my personal experiences, thoughts and fears openly.  No longer hidden somewhere on the internet or various places in my home.
So here it is the sour and then later, hopefully, the sweet of life. My life.

7 thoughts on “Sour then sweet. Life and me.

  1. Hey bestie thank you! For whatever else it counts I’m proud of you. I’ve been working on a couple of ideas and projects myself and you inspire me to continue and post them as well. Thank you again for sharing. We love you!

    1. That’s wonderful! I can’t wait to see what you’re working on. And thank you! It’s been a bit scary putting it all out there. But those who matter will support you.
      I’d love to make this a community of support for various things that folks may like and need. Maybe we can collaborate!

  2. I know I’m a little on the late train with leaving a comment but I really wanted to find the right words to say to you. I am proud of you for sharing your life, thoughts and vulnerability the way you have here. I cannot imagine the intensity of pain life has unfortunately brought both your’s and Eric’s way. I pray late at night and you guys are included in those prayers. I may not always know how to handle a situation the “right way” but Just know I am always here to do my best.

    P.s….
    I luv u for all your sweet & sourness

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